ONCE MORE WITH FEELING

As with the calendar, our blogs over the years always seem to come around to the holidays and the perils and pleasures they bring (see: Ho Ho Hum http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2009/12/ho-ho-hum-they-say-that-during-winter.html). The holidays are usually hard work, but they can also be fun. You may be chosen to be the caregiver(s) of the grand/great grandchildren while there is school vacation and parents are at work. As we have said many times it means you need to take care of yourself in order to handle all the extra errands, activities, and stresses of the holidays. You have a better chance of enjoying the season and your family if you are in good health (have you had your flu shot?) and plan ahead.

Eat Sensibly and Take Care of Yourself

This is not the time to skimp on sleep or turn to junk foods. They are an unhealthy and expensive solution. Plan ahead by cooking meals that can be made in double batches, such as stews, soups, and casseroles. Freeze the second batch, add a salad, and you'll have a nutritious meal ready to serve.

If you need to buy gifts try to shop by yourself. It really does go faster and there’s less stress. Protect yourself from overdoing things. It doesn't do anything for your disposition, your family, or your work to feel over-committed and under-appreciated.

Make Lists and Set Limits
If you've got a long list of adults and children to buy gifts for, make a list for adults, and another for the children. If the list of adults is too long, think about drawing names so that each adult buys only one item and gets only one item. That way the gift giving ritual can be more appropriately focused on the kids.

Keep in mind that advertisers target your great/grandchildren, who will want everything that is marketed to them. However, it’s a good idea for you to make a list and a holiday spending budget, and stick to it. Remember to check with the parents as to what is OK and what is off-limits.

If you decide to make purchases online, be aware of the expensive shipping costs, especially when you have waited to order closer to the holiday. However, many online sites offer free shipping (with a minimum purchase) and you might find it more effective than dealing with driving or using public transportation to a mall.

The Holiday Spirit
The holidays are a good time to help your great/grand children understand the importance of sharing with those in need. Think about the gifts that the children can make and give: cards, gift wrapping, baking cookies, etc. There are many charities that collect toys, food and clothes for those who are less fortunate or have survived a disaster. Check with the parents about possible gifts the children can make or give to deliver to a charity of their or your choice. Police and Fire Stations are also very thankful for homemade goodies the children can make.

Also, kids are NEVER too young to write or draw “Thank-You” notes. Have some blank card/paper ready to go, for the younger kids, and ask them to draw a “thank-you picture”. The older children can write a short “thank-you” note. The cards go a long way: children learn some basic courtesy skills, and the recipient of the card feels gratified.

Children Shopping For Others
If you become the person in charge of helping the children buy for others, we still like the $.99 Store solution that we have touted before for Mothers’ Day (see: 99 Cents for Mother’s Day http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2012_05_01_archive.html). Another idea would be to take your phone/camera, or have the parents take a phone/camera, to a toy store, sporting goods store, animal shelter or other favorite places to purchase gifts, and have the children take pictures of what each one “could not live without”. Be sure each photo shows the shelf price and name of the item. When finished, you’ll have a “virtual catalog”, which you can share with other family members who need to buy gifts. You may even be able to find the same things online or cheaper at other stores, if you have the time and inclination to bargain shop. Again, make sure to check out all the children’s choices with the parents, before buying anything.

Have Sensible Expectations
If the family will be spending extended time at your home during these days, have some pre-planned activities to do with the children. (see: A Few Of Our Favorite Things http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2010_11_01_archive.html), Above all, remember, some of the stress at this time of year can come from trying to do too much. Make this a time to share with your family and friends, by planning, prioritizing and being kind to yourself.

  Hallelujah, Felicidades and don’t eat too many latkes!

PS. If you want to go back and look at other blog we’ve written regarding holidays and gifts, see:

HOMEMADE FUN: http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html

THE FLU AND YOU: http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2009/11/flu-and-you.html

GIFTS, MORE GIFTS AND EVEN MORE GIFTS…                                                             http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2009/11/birthday-parties-gifts.html

COMPARING CHILDREN

One is tall, one is shorter, one is reading, one is not, one is very verbal, one tends to be less verbal, and one is very competitive, and one is not. Does this sound like any of your great-grandchildren? We often use these comparisons to describe the members of our families, whether out loud, in front of them, to our friends, or just in our own minds.

Children develop in their own unique way, and growth can be uneven. Compare, means “Estimate, measure, or note the similarity or dissimilarity between.” We make comparisons all the time about all kinds of things, in order to make good choices. However, when you compare people/children, in developmental terms, it may result in you making an unconscious choice - an emotional judgment.

We CAN’T not compare…it’s unnatural. What we can do, is not compare developmental markers of siblings, cousins and/or friends. When developmental judgments are made parents can feel the sting and children can feel the bite.

We make comparisons on everything from when children are diaper trained, to when they learn to walk, talk, ride tricycles, read, etc. However, every child deserves recognition for each milestone in their journey. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t praise your great-grandchildren for their accomplishments, as long as you don’t compare them to another child. Although not developmental, the same holds true for a child’s physical appearance, the clothes they choose to wear, and their choice of activities. This is hard, but try to choose your words and attitudes carefully.

We can influence our great-grandchildren by modeling empathy and the understanding that differences are ok. (See our previous article “IT DOESN’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE “ME, ME, ME” – March, 2010). The bottom line is that different children do different things at different times, and it’s not our place to judge who is better, stronger, more intelligent, etc. It’s our place to love each one for who they are.

THE ENGAGEMENT OF RULES - Setting Up Rules and Boundaries

Children may have a set of rules and boundaries at their own homes…or not…but for OUR sanity and safety, and THEIRS, it makes sense to establish ground-rules early on. This goes for visits, car rides, plane trips, outings, and almost everything we do with our great-grandchildren.

Establishing rules and boundaries isn’t just “adult speak”. As soon as children have language, they can participate in the creation of safe and healthy boundaries. In order for them to be effective, children need to be involved. When it is appropriate, you can write everything down, and post it in a suitable place.

Around the kitchen are many tempting and hazardous opportunities. Justin, age 3, tries to turn the stove knobs. At that moment, one would need to intervene. However, afterwards, it’s helpful to talk with Justin and ask him what kind of rules there should be when he’s in the kitchen. If he’s not sure, help him understand why they are important. Later, or another time, ask him to repeat these to you. Soon you won’t have to remind him.

Emily and Sadie are sisters, both under 8 who are often in each other’s faces. Before they come to spend the day at your house, have a discussion about what they think should happen if one or the other starts a fight. Help guide them to a non-violent resolution, which hopefully can be implemented at the time a disagreement occurs. Remind them of the “rules” they set up, which may include using a timer for sharing, using non-hurtful words, and asking you to help mediate.

Children have so much going on in their lives, and sometimes, they just can’t abide by the rules, even if they made them. Occasionally, your great-grandchild will test you, ignoring the rules that they’ve helped establish. If you can keep your calm, try to support you great-grandchild’s angst, and at the same time, tell him/her that you expect the rules to be followed. Use this as their “warning”. If the problem persists, there is always the proverbial, non-violent “time-out”.

Holidays are a time when families get together and when rules are easily “forgotten”. It’s a good time to revisit the boundaries you and the great-grandchildren have set. Keep in perspective all of the hype and attention that surrounds us during this busy and stressful time. After all is said and done, the bottom line is that you and your family stay safe. Rules and boundaries help make that happen.

WE WISH YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES 

A HEALTHY, HAPPY AND PEACEFUL

HOLIDAY AND NEW YEAR!!!!

June & Laurie

THESE SHOES ARE MADE FOR WALKIN’

(With apologies to Nancy Sinatra and her boots)

We recently read a terrific blog about walking for good health and exercise while using a pedometer http://bvmrd.blogspot.com/ . A pedometer is a device you wear on your belt or waist and it counts your steps.

Basically, you are encouraged to walk 10,000 steps daily. “Getting 10,000 steps in a day requires you to be creative in how you spend your day. Most people average 3,000-5,000 steps per day just in normal daily activities. So let's assume you are on the low end of that range, you need to find another 7,000 steps to meet your goal”.

When you are with or taking care of young great-grandchildren, the probability of reaching that goal can be greatly improved, and you won’t have to use the excuse, “I don’t have time to exercise with the kids around”. Whether you push a stroller, go for a walk with the kids, or do other energetic things with them, you can increase your “stepage”. Not only is this important for adults, it’s equally important for the children AND you are modeling a positive lifestyle.

Here are some things you can think about doing…just remember to know your own limits, so you don’t “over-do it”: walking and counting the squares on the sidewalk; musical “movement” games* (see below from some recommendations); hopscotch (just be careful); jumping rope; walking up and down stairs instead of using an elevator; hide & seek, walking the dog, pushing a cart in the market or store (with older kids walking – NOT in the cart), etc.

In our culture, children spend a great deal of time sitting: at their desks, their computers, TV, playing with their hand-held game devices, etc. Pre-schools and elementary schools provide limited physical activity, and few use a thought-out fitness program. The emphasis is on academics with little regard for the power of physical activity and exercise, even though the research says it’s an important way for children to focus and learn. Combine this lack of physical exercise with poor eating habits, and we have the national health problem of obesity.

So, when you get yourself a pedometer **, why not buy one for your great-grandchildren? You can turn your time with them into a counting challenge as well as a way to stay healthy…and you all will be winners!


**BABYSONGS by Hap Palmer – Great song called “Walking” which is perfect to do with young toddlers, and lots more.


GO WAGGALOO – Sara Lee Guthrie & Family – This is our new favorite recording…from the Guthrie Family (Woody’s granddaughter/ Arlo’s daughter), you can sing “Big Square Walkin’” as you go on those sidewalk strolls.


KIDS IN ACTION by Greg & Steve – Several wonderful movement/action songs including: “The Way We Do It” and “Goin’ on a Bear Hunt”, etc.


And don’t forget these other “Walking” sing-along songs:
I Walk the Line -- Johnny Cash
I'm Walkin'-- by Fats Domino (yes indeed, I'm talkin'...)
Footloose -- Kenny Loggins
These Boots Were Made for Walking -- Nancy Sinatra
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
On the Road Again -- Willie Nelson
You'll Never Walk Alone-- from "Carousel"
…and many, many more!!!

**PEDOMETERS (at sporting goods stores or online)--from very cheap to very expensive!
Less Expensive Style:


More Expensive Style: