Oxytocin and Grandparent Attachment

I a previous post I summarized a review of the emerging research field of oxytocin and human attachment.

This research supports a key role for oxytocin in reproduction and parental infant bonding.   The above mentioned review emphasized the important role of gender, genetic and early environment in the effect individual human variation in oxytocin response.

One additionally related important research topic relates to the effect of ageing on oxytocin-related systems.  Huffmeijer and colleagues from Leidenand Eramus University recently published a review on this topic in the journal Gerontology.

The authors of this review note the importance of oxytocin in parent-infant bonding and argue by extension this system is probably important in grandparent-grandchild bonding.

However, the review notes there is a paucity of research focusing on the age-related effects on the human oxytocin system.  There is extensive data linking oxytocin with prosocial maternal and paternal behavior towards infants.  There is no research examining the role of the oxytocin system in grandparents.

The limited study of the animal human oxytocin system and ageing points to a few key findings:

• Animal studies support a decreased level of oxytonergic activity with age--the results in humans on this area have been mixed
• Older animals with reduced oxytocin activity still have a prosocial response to exogenously administered oxytocin
• The brain amygdala-limbic system has rich neural connections with oxytocin-related neurons but  amygdala volumes decline with age (this effect is more pronounced in Alzheimer's disease)
• With ageing, amygdala connectivity increases with frontal regions but decreases with posterior brain regions
• Age-related amygdala changes may contribute to the decline in emotional recognition with age seen in humans

The authors conclude that the effect of oxytocin in older humans cannot simply be assumed to be the same as in younger adults.   Due to the effects of ageing, oxytocin response (and adverse effects) may be quite different in elderly humans.

Oxytocin research needs to include a focus on the elderly including grandparent-grandchild bonding.  Many children are primarily raised by their grandparents.  Understanding the dynamics of the oxytocin system in the elderly has practical implications for many families.

Readers with more interest in this topic are directed to the free full text manuscript that can be accessed by the PMID

Photo of reddish egret from the author's files.

Huffmeijer R, van Ijzendoorn MH, & Bakermans-Kranenburg MJ (2013). Ageing and oxytocin: a call for extending human oxytocin research to ageing populations - a mini-review. Gerontology, 59 (1), 32-9 PMID: 22922544

ONCE MORE WITH FEELING

As with the calendar, our blogs over the years always seem to come around to the holidays and the perils and pleasures they bring (see: Ho Ho Hum http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2009/12/ho-ho-hum-they-say-that-during-winter.html). The holidays are usually hard work, but they can also be fun. You may be chosen to be the caregiver(s) of the grand/great grandchildren while there is school vacation and parents are at work. As we have said many times it means you need to take care of yourself in order to handle all the extra errands, activities, and stresses of the holidays. You have a better chance of enjoying the season and your family if you are in good health (have you had your flu shot?) and plan ahead.

Eat Sensibly and Take Care of Yourself

This is not the time to skimp on sleep or turn to junk foods. They are an unhealthy and expensive solution. Plan ahead by cooking meals that can be made in double batches, such as stews, soups, and casseroles. Freeze the second batch, add a salad, and you'll have a nutritious meal ready to serve.

If you need to buy gifts try to shop by yourself. It really does go faster and there’s less stress. Protect yourself from overdoing things. It doesn't do anything for your disposition, your family, or your work to feel over-committed and under-appreciated.

Make Lists and Set Limits
If you've got a long list of adults and children to buy gifts for, make a list for adults, and another for the children. If the list of adults is too long, think about drawing names so that each adult buys only one item and gets only one item. That way the gift giving ritual can be more appropriately focused on the kids.

Keep in mind that advertisers target your great/grandchildren, who will want everything that is marketed to them. However, it’s a good idea for you to make a list and a holiday spending budget, and stick to it. Remember to check with the parents as to what is OK and what is off-limits.

If you decide to make purchases online, be aware of the expensive shipping costs, especially when you have waited to order closer to the holiday. However, many online sites offer free shipping (with a minimum purchase) and you might find it more effective than dealing with driving or using public transportation to a mall.

The Holiday Spirit
The holidays are a good time to help your great/grand children understand the importance of sharing with those in need. Think about the gifts that the children can make and give: cards, gift wrapping, baking cookies, etc. There are many charities that collect toys, food and clothes for those who are less fortunate or have survived a disaster. Check with the parents about possible gifts the children can make or give to deliver to a charity of their or your choice. Police and Fire Stations are also very thankful for homemade goodies the children can make.

Also, kids are NEVER too young to write or draw “Thank-You” notes. Have some blank card/paper ready to go, for the younger kids, and ask them to draw a “thank-you picture”. The older children can write a short “thank-you” note. The cards go a long way: children learn some basic courtesy skills, and the recipient of the card feels gratified.

Children Shopping For Others
If you become the person in charge of helping the children buy for others, we still like the $.99 Store solution that we have touted before for Mothers’ Day (see: 99 Cents for Mother’s Day http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2012_05_01_archive.html). Another idea would be to take your phone/camera, or have the parents take a phone/camera, to a toy store, sporting goods store, animal shelter or other favorite places to purchase gifts, and have the children take pictures of what each one “could not live without”. Be sure each photo shows the shelf price and name of the item. When finished, you’ll have a “virtual catalog”, which you can share with other family members who need to buy gifts. You may even be able to find the same things online or cheaper at other stores, if you have the time and inclination to bargain shop. Again, make sure to check out all the children’s choices with the parents, before buying anything.

Have Sensible Expectations
If the family will be spending extended time at your home during these days, have some pre-planned activities to do with the children. (see: A Few Of Our Favorite Things http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2010_11_01_archive.html), Above all, remember, some of the stress at this time of year can come from trying to do too much. Make this a time to share with your family and friends, by planning, prioritizing and being kind to yourself.

  Hallelujah, Felicidades and don’t eat too many latkes!

PS. If you want to go back and look at other blog we’ve written regarding holidays and gifts, see:

HOMEMADE FUN: http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html

THE FLU AND YOU: http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2009/11/flu-and-you.html

GIFTS, MORE GIFTS AND EVEN MORE GIFTS…                                                             http://grandparentingplus.blogspot.com/2009/11/birthday-parties-gifts.html

COMPARING CHILDREN

One is tall, one is shorter, one is reading, one is not, one is very verbal, one tends to be less verbal, and one is very competitive, and one is not. Does this sound like any of your great-grandchildren? We often use these comparisons to describe the members of our families, whether out loud, in front of them, to our friends, or just in our own minds.

Children develop in their own unique way, and growth can be uneven. Compare, means “Estimate, measure, or note the similarity or dissimilarity between.” We make comparisons all the time about all kinds of things, in order to make good choices. However, when you compare people/children, in developmental terms, it may result in you making an unconscious choice - an emotional judgment.

We CAN’T not compare…it’s unnatural. What we can do, is not compare developmental markers of siblings, cousins and/or friends. When developmental judgments are made parents can feel the sting and children can feel the bite.

We make comparisons on everything from when children are diaper trained, to when they learn to walk, talk, ride tricycles, read, etc. However, every child deserves recognition for each milestone in their journey. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t praise your great-grandchildren for their accomplishments, as long as you don’t compare them to another child. Although not developmental, the same holds true for a child’s physical appearance, the clothes they choose to wear, and their choice of activities. This is hard, but try to choose your words and attitudes carefully.

We can influence our great-grandchildren by modeling empathy and the understanding that differences are ok. (See our previous article “IT DOESN’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE “ME, ME, ME” – March, 2010). The bottom line is that different children do different things at different times, and it’s not our place to judge who is better, stronger, more intelligent, etc. It’s our place to love each one for who they are.

THE ENGAGEMENT OF RULES - Setting Up Rules and Boundaries

Children may have a set of rules and boundaries at their own homes…or not…but for OUR sanity and safety, and THEIRS, it makes sense to establish ground-rules early on. This goes for visits, car rides, plane trips, outings, and almost everything we do with our great-grandchildren.

Establishing rules and boundaries isn’t just “adult speak”. As soon as children have language, they can participate in the creation of safe and healthy boundaries. In order for them to be effective, children need to be involved. When it is appropriate, you can write everything down, and post it in a suitable place.

Around the kitchen are many tempting and hazardous opportunities. Justin, age 3, tries to turn the stove knobs. At that moment, one would need to intervene. However, afterwards, it’s helpful to talk with Justin and ask him what kind of rules there should be when he’s in the kitchen. If he’s not sure, help him understand why they are important. Later, or another time, ask him to repeat these to you. Soon you won’t have to remind him.

Emily and Sadie are sisters, both under 8 who are often in each other’s faces. Before they come to spend the day at your house, have a discussion about what they think should happen if one or the other starts a fight. Help guide them to a non-violent resolution, which hopefully can be implemented at the time a disagreement occurs. Remind them of the “rules” they set up, which may include using a timer for sharing, using non-hurtful words, and asking you to help mediate.

Children have so much going on in their lives, and sometimes, they just can’t abide by the rules, even if they made them. Occasionally, your great-grandchild will test you, ignoring the rules that they’ve helped establish. If you can keep your calm, try to support you great-grandchild’s angst, and at the same time, tell him/her that you expect the rules to be followed. Use this as their “warning”. If the problem persists, there is always the proverbial, non-violent “time-out”.

Holidays are a time when families get together and when rules are easily “forgotten”. It’s a good time to revisit the boundaries you and the great-grandchildren have set. Keep in perspective all of the hype and attention that surrounds us during this busy and stressful time. After all is said and done, the bottom line is that you and your family stay safe. Rules and boundaries help make that happen.

WE WISH YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES 

A HEALTHY, HAPPY AND PEACEFUL

HOLIDAY AND NEW YEAR!!!!

June & Laurie

SPECIAL TIMES FOR ONE OR MORE THAN ONE….

First of all, we want to tell you, WE’RE BACK!!! It’s been a long three months since we last posted on our blog, but life kind of got in our way. We’re so excited about starting to write again. Hope you missed us as much as we've missed you.

Making each great-grandchild feel special is a challenge, especially when there’s more than one in the family. One way we do this is by plugging into what’s currently the “hot interest/s” of the child/ren, because it’s fun and easy to do. We can find all kinds of activities to nurture those interests…for example: reading books about dinosaurs, watching TV programs about dinosaurs, finding fun facts on the computer about dinosaurs, playing with puppet and toy dinosaurs, going to the Natural History Museum, etc. BUT, sometimes, often depending on gender, when there’s more than one child in the family, one “interest” can dominate the household.

Let’s face it! We know how important it is for each child to develop their own interests, as well as expand their experiences. Many times family schedules are filled with “together” activities, and that is how it should be! However, as great-grandparents, we can make some special time with each individual child, to help each one broaden their horizons with new and different experiences.

For example:
• Henry, age 7, is the oldest of three children, and is fascinated with magic. He has a trunk full of magic paraphernalia, and engages the entire family with his shows. He goes to local magic shows, has a bookshelf full of “how-to’s”, and watches professionals on his parent’s I-Pad. While it’s important to support his interests, how about you and he planting some sun flowers, going on a “site seeing” bike ride, attending a local walk-a thon for charity, or some new and different activity you can do together.

• Allison, age 4, is the second in the same family. She is very into her dolls, dressing them up, and playing house. She has a closet full of dolls, doll clothes, and other doll oriented toys. When Henry and Allison play together, he wants the dolls to participate in his magic show, and she wants him to join her in her tea party instead. On your “date” with Allison, how about going together to visit the fire-house, or watch a live college girl’s basketball game, or teaching her some yoga poses? Again, these are fun activities that hopefully will expand her interests, and give you both an entertaining, and special together time.

• Benny is 2 ½ and is the baby in the family. He’s NOT interested in magic OR dolls, but really wants to be part of Henry and/or Allison’s play. Henry’s interested if Benny will help with his magic, and Allison wants him to be “her baby”. He’s very physical and wants to run and tumble in the grass, knock over his sibling’s projects, and climb anything he can find outdoors. A special “date” with Benny might be: watching the planes land at your local airport, a visit to the local zoo, attending a story-time at the library, or drawing pictures on the sidewalk with chalk. Again, these are engaging, together times that add to Benny’s experiences.

The activities we’ve suggested don’t have to be expensive or expansive…they are relationship building times between you and your great-grandchild and sometimes just visiting a local park or library with a fountain can be enough. When planning a special time “date”, you might want to open some doors to things (being aware of age appropriateness) that you particularly like such as: hiking, chess, board games, gardening, building things, painting, collecting shells, knitting, history, cooking, architecture, etc. If you live far away, consider some of these things when your great-grandchildren next visit you, or you visit them.

Rather than feeding only into the children’s current interests, although this is important as well, we have the opportunity to expand their experiences early on. And don’t forget, if there’s only one great-grandchild, stretching his or her ideas and activities through a special time together, can also be rewarding. It’s good for them and it’s good for us.

THESE SHOES ARE MADE FOR WALKIN’

(With apologies to Nancy Sinatra and her boots)

We recently read a terrific blog about walking for good health and exercise while using a pedometer http://bvmrd.blogspot.com/ . A pedometer is a device you wear on your belt or waist and it counts your steps.

Basically, you are encouraged to walk 10,000 steps daily. “Getting 10,000 steps in a day requires you to be creative in how you spend your day. Most people average 3,000-5,000 steps per day just in normal daily activities. So let's assume you are on the low end of that range, you need to find another 7,000 steps to meet your goal”.

When you are with or taking care of young great-grandchildren, the probability of reaching that goal can be greatly improved, and you won’t have to use the excuse, “I don’t have time to exercise with the kids around”. Whether you push a stroller, go for a walk with the kids, or do other energetic things with them, you can increase your “stepage”. Not only is this important for adults, it’s equally important for the children AND you are modeling a positive lifestyle.

Here are some things you can think about doing…just remember to know your own limits, so you don’t “over-do it”: walking and counting the squares on the sidewalk; musical “movement” games* (see below from some recommendations); hopscotch (just be careful); jumping rope; walking up and down stairs instead of using an elevator; hide & seek, walking the dog, pushing a cart in the market or store (with older kids walking – NOT in the cart), etc.

In our culture, children spend a great deal of time sitting: at their desks, their computers, TV, playing with their hand-held game devices, etc. Pre-schools and elementary schools provide limited physical activity, and few use a thought-out fitness program. The emphasis is on academics with little regard for the power of physical activity and exercise, even though the research says it’s an important way for children to focus and learn. Combine this lack of physical exercise with poor eating habits, and we have the national health problem of obesity.

So, when you get yourself a pedometer **, why not buy one for your great-grandchildren? You can turn your time with them into a counting challenge as well as a way to stay healthy…and you all will be winners!


**BABYSONGS by Hap Palmer – Great song called “Walking” which is perfect to do with young toddlers, and lots more.


GO WAGGALOO – Sara Lee Guthrie & Family – This is our new favorite recording…from the Guthrie Family (Woody’s granddaughter/ Arlo’s daughter), you can sing “Big Square Walkin’” as you go on those sidewalk strolls.


KIDS IN ACTION by Greg & Steve – Several wonderful movement/action songs including: “The Way We Do It” and “Goin’ on a Bear Hunt”, etc.


And don’t forget these other “Walking” sing-along songs:
I Walk the Line -- Johnny Cash
I'm Walkin'-- by Fats Domino (yes indeed, I'm talkin'...)
Footloose -- Kenny Loggins
These Boots Were Made for Walking -- Nancy Sinatra
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
On the Road Again -- Willie Nelson
You'll Never Walk Alone-- from "Carousel"
…and many, many more!!!

**PEDOMETERS (at sporting goods stores or online)--from very cheap to very expensive!
Less Expensive Style:


More Expensive Style: