COMPARING CHILDREN

One is tall, one is shorter, one is reading, one is not, one is very verbal, one tends to be less verbal, and one is very competitive, and one is not. Does this sound like any of your great-grandchildren? We often use these comparisons to describe the members of our families, whether out loud, in front of them, to our friends, or just in our own minds.

Children develop in their own unique way, and growth can be uneven. Compare, means “Estimate, measure, or note the similarity or dissimilarity between.” We make comparisons all the time about all kinds of things, in order to make good choices. However, when you compare people/children, in developmental terms, it may result in you making an unconscious choice - an emotional judgment.

We CAN’T not compare…it’s unnatural. What we can do, is not compare developmental markers of siblings, cousins and/or friends. When developmental judgments are made parents can feel the sting and children can feel the bite.

We make comparisons on everything from when children are diaper trained, to when they learn to walk, talk, ride tricycles, read, etc. However, every child deserves recognition for each milestone in their journey. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t praise your great-grandchildren for their accomplishments, as long as you don’t compare them to another child. Although not developmental, the same holds true for a child’s physical appearance, the clothes they choose to wear, and their choice of activities. This is hard, but try to choose your words and attitudes carefully.

We can influence our great-grandchildren by modeling empathy and the understanding that differences are ok. (See our previous article “IT DOESN’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE “ME, ME, ME” – March, 2010). The bottom line is that different children do different things at different times, and it’s not our place to judge who is better, stronger, more intelligent, etc. It’s our place to love each one for who they are.

QUESTIONS? QUESTIONS? QUESTIONS?

You’ve been out all day, doing whatever you do, and you come home to “What did you do today? Where did you go today? Did you have lunch with anyone? What did Sandy say to you? etc., etc., etc.” (as Yul Brynner used to say). Not only can this barrage of questions be tiring, it’s also overwhelming, when you’re your first coming together with someone after a period of not seeing them.

Let’s take a walk in your great-grandchildren’s shoes for a while. They’ve been at their “work” all day, and you drop in to see them or pick them up from school. The first thing out of your mouth is “how was school?” and their answer is “fine”. Then you ask, “What did you do today?” and they answer “same as always”. If you’re in their shoes, you’ll have just been through a long day at school, and you’re ready to acclimate to the next part of your day, and you’re hammered with too many questions. You turn off, and give short, pat answers.

Here’s a different approach: “Hey, glad to see you….how was school?” “Fine.” Then it can be your turn to go in a different direction, not ask anything of them, and say “Glad you had a “fine” day. You know, on my drive over here today, I saw some ducks crossing the road near that house with the pond. There was a mother and six little ducklings. The traffic stopped to watch them cross. It was so cute”. This has given the child a chance to shift gears and let you know if she/he is ready for a conversation. Sometimes, silence is golden.

Children, like adults, need quiet time, with no conversation and no questions. We need to learn to respect children’s need for peace and quiet, and when they are ready, you can be sure your great-grandchildren will engage you in dialogue.

Giving children the space and opportunity to talk about what’s important to them is an art. Each child is different and one size doesn’t fit all. With children gravitating more and more toward their own or adult’s electronic devices (phones, iPads, etc), many have less time to express their thoughts and feelings. The challenge for us is finding the time and place to let great-grandchildren express their concerns, joys, jokes and ideas.

While silence is golden, expression is platinum!

99 CENTS FOR MOTHER’S DAY

Mother’s Day is here! You can’t open a paper, a magazine, listen to a radio or watch TV without being bombarded with stuff (useful and not) to buy for Moms. How about changing it up this year?

In the past, we’ve always advocated for making something with the great/grandchildren, that can be used, eaten, or not, by Moms. We’ve been very successful with baking, gluing, coloring, cutting, and molding creations. We’ve made photo books and clocks, cards, soap, flower pots, and many other fun things. But this year, we’re going shopping.

Nana Zoe, another grandparent in our family, shared this terrific idea that we’ve used for various gift giving occasions, and will use again this Mother’s Day. Zoe showed us the value of the 99Cent Store.

Now a little parallel history: In 1879 Mr. Woolworth created a surplus goods store, selling a mixture of nickel and dime priced items. During the Great Depression (similar to today’s “recession”) people frequently shopped at Woolworth’s, Newberry’s, and other local 5&10 Cent stores.

Fast forward 100+ years: Now the 99Cent Store and its clones have replaced the 5 & 10.

So…this Mother’s Day we’ll take the great/grandchildren shopping to the 99Cent Store. They will each be given a dollar bill or use a dollar from their piggy bank, and will bounce around the store choosing the “perfect gift” for Moms. We’ll keep our opinions to ourselves, and really let the kids make their own decisions. In our family, some of the previous purchases have been: a Coca-Cola glass, a day-glow spinner for the garden, a Dodger’s stationary kit, a plastic martini glass, colorful plastic necklaces (6 to the bunch), a packet of sunflower seeds, a train coloring book (a 2 ½ year’s old idea of a great gift), and other items that the kids thought would be fun.

This kind of experience gives children the opportunity and power to be the purchaser. When they go shopping for groceries, clothes, toys, etc, it’s usually the adult who pays. It also is a chance to learn to interact with the cashier: being polite and saying thank-you.

You can accompany the gift with a homemade card and or/wrap, and voila, Mother’s Day is done.

PS…Full disclosure: WE DO NOT OWN STOCK IN 99CENT STORES!!!!

SPECIAL TIMES FOR ONE OR MORE THAN ONE….

First of all, we want to tell you, WE’RE BACK!!! It’s been a long three months since we last posted on our blog, but life kind of got in our way. We’re so excited about starting to write again. Hope you missed us as much as we've missed you.

Making each great-grandchild feel special is a challenge, especially when there’s more than one in the family. One way we do this is by plugging into what’s currently the “hot interest/s” of the child/ren, because it’s fun and easy to do. We can find all kinds of activities to nurture those interests…for example: reading books about dinosaurs, watching TV programs about dinosaurs, finding fun facts on the computer about dinosaurs, playing with puppet and toy dinosaurs, going to the Natural History Museum, etc. BUT, sometimes, often depending on gender, when there’s more than one child in the family, one “interest” can dominate the household.

Let’s face it! We know how important it is for each child to develop their own interests, as well as expand their experiences. Many times family schedules are filled with “together” activities, and that is how it should be! However, as great-grandparents, we can make some special time with each individual child, to help each one broaden their horizons with new and different experiences.

For example:
• Henry, age 7, is the oldest of three children, and is fascinated with magic. He has a trunk full of magic paraphernalia, and engages the entire family with his shows. He goes to local magic shows, has a bookshelf full of “how-to’s”, and watches professionals on his parent’s I-Pad. While it’s important to support his interests, how about you and he planting some sun flowers, going on a “site seeing” bike ride, attending a local walk-a thon for charity, or some new and different activity you can do together.

• Allison, age 4, is the second in the same family. She is very into her dolls, dressing them up, and playing house. She has a closet full of dolls, doll clothes, and other doll oriented toys. When Henry and Allison play together, he wants the dolls to participate in his magic show, and she wants him to join her in her tea party instead. On your “date” with Allison, how about going together to visit the fire-house, or watch a live college girl’s basketball game, or teaching her some yoga poses? Again, these are fun activities that hopefully will expand her interests, and give you both an entertaining, and special together time.

• Benny is 2 ½ and is the baby in the family. He’s NOT interested in magic OR dolls, but really wants to be part of Henry and/or Allison’s play. Henry’s interested if Benny will help with his magic, and Allison wants him to be “her baby”. He’s very physical and wants to run and tumble in the grass, knock over his sibling’s projects, and climb anything he can find outdoors. A special “date” with Benny might be: watching the planes land at your local airport, a visit to the local zoo, attending a story-time at the library, or drawing pictures on the sidewalk with chalk. Again, these are engaging, together times that add to Benny’s experiences.

The activities we’ve suggested don’t have to be expensive or expansive…they are relationship building times between you and your great-grandchild and sometimes just visiting a local park or library with a fountain can be enough. When planning a special time “date”, you might want to open some doors to things (being aware of age appropriateness) that you particularly like such as: hiking, chess, board games, gardening, building things, painting, collecting shells, knitting, history, cooking, architecture, etc. If you live far away, consider some of these things when your great-grandchildren next visit you, or you visit them.

Rather than feeding only into the children’s current interests, although this is important as well, we have the opportunity to expand their experiences early on. And don’t forget, if there’s only one great-grandchild, stretching his or her ideas and activities through a special time together, can also be rewarding. It’s good for them and it’s good for us.

TO TALK OR NOT TO TALK…THAT IS A REAL QUESTION!!!

One of the best perks of being a great/grandparent, is being able to share the “brilliance” and humor that comes out of the mouths of the children. This can, however, be a double edged sword. What we consider being funny and precocious, or what a makes a good story for us to tell, can also be an embarrassing and potentially hurtful situation for your great/grandchildren.

We all want to share those incredible moments when our great/grandchildren say or do things that crack us up and/or make us proud. Sometimes, we wish we had written all these things down, because they are so endearing and clever, and really make us happy. There are also those very sad and touching moments that break our hearts. Both the sweet and the bitter are cause for us to want to share with our dear friends and family…for a mutual chuckle and for our own emotional support.

For example, when your 4 year old great/grandchild asks, “Who pays your celery?” you might go blog about it (see our blog from January, 2010). When your 10 year old great/granddaughter whispers that she just got her first “training” bra, you smile, feel proud, but decide NOT to talk about it for fear of embarrassing her and breaking the fragile trust. You find out that your 8 year old great/grandchild is a bully at school. You seek some sensitive support and openly discuss your concerns with your dear friend, but opt to not reveal this to your book club.

It’s really important to try to see things from child’s point of view…would what you’re saying make them laugh, cause them humiliation, and/or give them pause to distrust you? Although you won’t hit a home run every time, you can improve your average by thinking before talking.

Some things can be shared, but others should remain private. It’s another lesson in learning when to open your mouth, and when to keep it zipped.

THESE SHOES ARE MADE FOR WALKIN’

(With apologies to Nancy Sinatra and her boots)

We recently read a terrific blog about walking for good health and exercise while using a pedometer http://bvmrd.blogspot.com/ . A pedometer is a device you wear on your belt or waist and it counts your steps.

Basically, you are encouraged to walk 10,000 steps daily. “Getting 10,000 steps in a day requires you to be creative in how you spend your day. Most people average 3,000-5,000 steps per day just in normal daily activities. So let's assume you are on the low end of that range, you need to find another 7,000 steps to meet your goal”.

When you are with or taking care of young great-grandchildren, the probability of reaching that goal can be greatly improved, and you won’t have to use the excuse, “I don’t have time to exercise with the kids around”. Whether you push a stroller, go for a walk with the kids, or do other energetic things with them, you can increase your “stepage”. Not only is this important for adults, it’s equally important for the children AND you are modeling a positive lifestyle.

Here are some things you can think about doing…just remember to know your own limits, so you don’t “over-do it”: walking and counting the squares on the sidewalk; musical “movement” games* (see below from some recommendations); hopscotch (just be careful); jumping rope; walking up and down stairs instead of using an elevator; hide & seek, walking the dog, pushing a cart in the market or store (with older kids walking – NOT in the cart), etc.

In our culture, children spend a great deal of time sitting: at their desks, their computers, TV, playing with their hand-held game devices, etc. Pre-schools and elementary schools provide limited physical activity, and few use a thought-out fitness program. The emphasis is on academics with little regard for the power of physical activity and exercise, even though the research says it’s an important way for children to focus and learn. Combine this lack of physical exercise with poor eating habits, and we have the national health problem of obesity.

So, when you get yourself a pedometer **, why not buy one for your great-grandchildren? You can turn your time with them into a counting challenge as well as a way to stay healthy…and you all will be winners!


**BABYSONGS by Hap Palmer – Great song called “Walking” which is perfect to do with young toddlers, and lots more.


GO WAGGALOO – Sara Lee Guthrie & Family – This is our new favorite recording…from the Guthrie Family (Woody’s granddaughter/ Arlo’s daughter), you can sing “Big Square Walkin’” as you go on those sidewalk strolls.


KIDS IN ACTION by Greg & Steve – Several wonderful movement/action songs including: “The Way We Do It” and “Goin’ on a Bear Hunt”, etc.


And don’t forget these other “Walking” sing-along songs:
I Walk the Line -- Johnny Cash
I'm Walkin'-- by Fats Domino (yes indeed, I'm talkin'...)
Footloose -- Kenny Loggins
These Boots Were Made for Walking -- Nancy Sinatra
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
On the Road Again -- Willie Nelson
You'll Never Walk Alone-- from "Carousel"
…and many, many more!!!

**PEDOMETERS (at sporting goods stores or online)--from very cheap to very expensive!
Less Expensive Style:


More Expensive Style: